Road Trip
by psychicpilgrim
Summary: Jack and Irina take an unplanned trip. Spy family fun! Sydney, Nadia, and Vaughn, too. Humor. Playing fast and loose in Season 4.
1. Chapter 1

**Road Trip**

**1/2**

**Summary:** This was a fic exchange gift for someone who requested Jack and Irina; humor; Vaughn getting a harsh reprimand; push-up bras; a beach barbeque. Playing fast and loose in Season 4.

_Santa Monica, California_

_S__torage facility_

_Near midnight_

Tired eyes scanned the list – rifles, hand guns, comm. units, smoke bombs, a million dollars in unmarked bills, and enough C4 to blow apart a small warehouse. Gathering up the heavy duffle bags, the dark figure slipped out of the storage locker and secured the door.

As he turned towards his waiting car, a sudden flash of bright headlights blinded him. The parking lot was silent save for the chirping of crickets and he reasoned that if someone was there to kill him, they would've completed the job by now.

Still, Jack Bristow wasn't a betting man, so he lowered one of the bags as gently as possible and hovered a hand over his holstered gun.

When the offending car's dome light illuminated, and he saw the shadowy silhouette of a man exiting the vehicle, Jack wasted no time taking cover behind his own SUV.

Step by step, the stranger neared, shuffling through the pebbly gravel. Closer, closer…

"Jack? Is that you?"

_Idiot. How he ever received a field rating is beyond me, _thought the experienced agent.

Rising from the crouched hiding position, he made a point of displaying his weapon to the intruder. "Agent Vaughn. Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Because you almost made that job very simple for me."

Despite the harsh lighting, he could still see that the younger man's face held no apology. "I know what you're doing and I want in."

"I highly doubt that. Because if you truly knew what was best for you, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. So, go home, go play hockey, go do whatever it is you do when you're not ruining my daughter's life."

"If Sydney's in trouble, I can't sit back and do nothing."

"Oh, really?" questioned Jack. "As I recall, that it exactly why Sydney went solo on the unauthorized mission to save her sister in the first place. You did nothing."

It was only a hunch, but the blank face Vaughn returned confirmed his suspicions. Jack pushed past him and began loading the SUV. The window of opportunity was closing fast and he wasn't about to waste another minute on useless arguments.

Vaughn grabbed the open door and prevented it from closing. "You know I'll follow you anyway. Why can't you just let me help, Jack?"

Wrenching the door from the offending grip, the older man slammed it closed and leaned out the window. "Agent Vaughn, you seem to have mistaken me for one of your friends. At no time have I ever granted you permission to address me by my first name." He turned the key in the ignition, but before he could even rev the engine, the passenger door opened and the sandy-haired man had climbed inside.

"I'm going with you, Agent Bristow."

"I already have all the assistance I'll need."

"Oh really? Who?"

From the backseat, a feminine voiced purred low and breathy, "We meet again, Mr. Vaughn."

_Sydney & Nadia's house_

_25 minutes later_

"What's taking him so long?" Jack held out his wrist to view the time. "Packing a small bag of clothes for two women is not exactly difficult."

Long, slender fingers caressed the side of his face. "I love how the veins in your temple bulge when you're angry, Jack." Pressing gently into the skin, she rubbed in slow circles, drawing out the knotted tension.

"I wouldn't be so angry if that incompetent fool wasn't along for the ride."

"Now, now, Jack. He feels guilty for not helping Sydney in the first place."

"He should've known she would go down there, regardless of whether he approved or not."

Leaning across the front seat, she turned his tense face towards her. Just as she brushed her lips over his, the passenger door opened.

"Oh, I didn't realize that you moved up front… Irina. I'll just…"

"Get in the back seat, Agent Vaughn," ordered Jack, the words grinding through gritted teeth. "Tell me, did you stop to make yourself a sandwich while you were in there?"

Climbing in the back, Vaughn slammed the door shut and settled the overnight case on the floor. "No, was I supposed to bring food? No one mentioned food."

Irina suppressed a laugh and secured her seatbelt in place. "Did you get everything on the list…Michael?" The name rolled teasingly off her tongue and the smirk that followed hit its target. Toying with Irina Derevko was not a game.

_California/Baja border_

_Three hours later_

"What is the purpose of your visit to Mexico, Señor?" inquired the guard.

Sporting a hearty grin, Jack boomed enthusiastically, "Me and the Mrs., and our son, are just taking a little jaunt down here. We're fixing to bring back some of those fine handcrafted accessories for our new home."

"Don't forget the shrimp, honey," added Irina, smiling flirtatiously at the admiring guard.

"I won't, sugar," chuckled Jack.

"Señor...?"

"Dinkelman," supplied Jack.

"How long do you plan on staying in our country?"

"We'll be heading back tomorrow." He knew that a passport wasn't required for such a short stay, but playing the clueless tourist was all part of the job. "Do you need to see our papers? My wife says that I actually took a good picture this time."

"That won't be necessary, Señor."

The guard narrowed his gaze and pointed his flashlight into the backseat, catching sight of a sleeping Vaughn. The light traveled carefully over his body, then up to his face where his head lolled back and forth, and his tongue dangled lazily from the side of his mouth.

"And you say the man in the back… is your son?"

Nodding his head sadly, Jack grimaced and twirled a finger near his forehead. "Sadly, Jr. is what y'all call… loco."

"Ah, sí… loco. So sorry for you. Enjoy your vacation, Señor Dinkelman." He nodded and smiled shyly in Irina's direction. "Señora Dinkelman."

"Adiós!" chirped Irina, waving happily. As soon as they were out of earshot, she turned to inspect their groggy passenger and her voice lowered, "Not a minute too soon. He's coming out of the tranq already."

"Shame. It's been peaceful, but I suppose he needs to be alert. According to the GPS, the abandoned brewery is only twenty minutes from here, on the southwestern edge of Tijuana."

Irina's skillful hands loaded each gun and stuffed the jacket pockets with extra rounds of ammunition. She fitted a comm. unit first to her ear and then to her husband's, giving his neck a little pinch when she had finished.

"What was that for?"

"Has it been that long since someone's flirted with you, Jack?"

"That was flirting?"

"Where are we?" slurred Vaughn, his big hand wiping the drool from his mouth.

"Canada," answered Jack, not missing a beat.

"But…wait!" sputtered the confused agent. "What about Sydney? And Nadia?"

"Loco," muttered Jack, winking slyly at his wife.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Road Trip**

**2/2**

_Outside the former Mexicali Brewery_

_Just before sunrise_

Twenty seconds after launching the first grenades to distract the guards at the entrance, Irina shot several rounds of bursting smoke shells through the broken windows.

Thirty seconds after the building was engulfed in a grey blur, men shouted and scattered onto the road like frightened rats, coughing furiously.

"Agent Vaughn, cover the rear," demanded Jack, lowering the gas mask over his face.

"No! I'm going in with you."

Shoving the butt of his assault rifle into the younger man's chest, Jack pushed him aside and vanished into the fog. Vaughn grumbled, but followed the order, his gun raised in alert.

Irina wasted no time retreating through the back exit of the abandoned gas station across the street to retrieve their hidden SUV. She could hear the rumbling of truck engines as she ran, signaling the retreat of the insurgents. She knew that any stragglers would have to face her husband's wrath, and the thought pushed her forward.

She drove the car up to the front of the obscured brewery just as Jack emerged, guiding both Sydney and Nadia to safety. Jumping out of the SUV, she hugged her daughters, tears of relief streaming down her cheeks.

Sydney pulled off her gas mask and sputtered, "Mom. How… did Dad find you?"

Kissing her smudged forehead, Irina replied, "You girls should know by now that I never question your father's methods. I'm just so glad you're both safe."

"But Mom…"

"Sydney, would you like to explain to me why you thought you could rescue Nadia on your own?"

Rolling her eyes, she shared a soft smile with her sister as they both climbed into the car, collapsing onto the plush back seat. No words could convey their gratitude, or describe the surreal sight of their mother and father exchanging a quick kiss in the front seat before the SUV pulled away from the old brewery.

In exactly three minutes, a C4 charge would erase any and all evidence that they had ever been there.

"Jack," murmured Irina. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

His brow furrowed and his confusion multiplied with the delighted smirk that graced his wife's lovely face. His eyes were drawn to the rear view mirror as her slender finger tapped on it. A hazy figure was running behind them, frantically waving his arms.

Jack reluctantly brought the car to a stop and snarled, "Imbecile."

"Who?" asked Nadia, turning her head to look out the rear window. Her tired eyes blinked as she whispered, "Sydney – look."

"Vaughn?" asked Sydney. "What is _he_ doing here, Dad?"

Before Jack could answer, Vaughn reached the car and opened the door, gasping for breath. "You left without me!"

"And I'll leave again if you don't shut up and get in, Agent Vaughn."

The door had barely closed when the tires spun in the gravel, leaving a trail of brown dust in the air as they sped away.

Several hours later and countless miles south, the SUV rolled off the coastal highway and under a patch of shady trees at the edge of the vast beach. Ocean and sky blurred together on the horizon, creating an endless canvas of vibrant blue shades.

"I still don't understand why we drove south when home is up north," argued Vaughn.

"Be my guest, Agent Vaughn," insisted Jack. "Walk _north_, and when you get to Los Angeles, by all means, keep walking."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Unlike you, I don't waste my breath."

"Now boys…" Irina stepped between the two men and smiled in amusement. She handed Vaughn a rifle. "We'll be needing some lunch. Past the cliffs on your right, you'll find rattlesnakes in the brush. Two or three should be sufficient."

Vaughn glanced over at Sydney, hoping for a little support, but the glare she delivered almost matched her father's. Shaking his head, he hiked the gun over his shoulder and shuffled off through the sand.

"Don't just stand there acting smug, Jack," said his wife. "You should get a fire started while I show the girls where they can change their clothes."

Nadia perked, "You brought us a change of clothes? That's so thoughtful, Mom. I've been wearing this outfit so long…"

"You want to burn it?" asked Sydney.

"Exactly!"

Overnight bag in hand, Irina and her daughters chattered and walked towards the caves that were nestled amidst the craggy cliffs. Grudgingly, Jack collected firewood, muttering to himself about how they should have just left a particular person behind. Again.

Soon, a stack of driftwood had turned into a crackling fire pit, perfect for a little afternoon beach barbeque. Now all they needed was the food. An uproar of laughter pulled Jack from his thoughts and he turned in the direction of the sound, only to do a double take at the shocking sight.

"I will _kill_ that moron."

One red dress, one purple, both low-cut and slinky. Jack could feel his blood pressure rising as he looked to Irina. "What did you put on that list of clothing you gave him?"

"Mission wear, combat boots, the usual. Oh, I also had intimate apparel on the list."

Glancing over at his daughters, he scowled when he saw them giggling and adjusting their suddenly abundant cleavage. "Just how intimate did he have to make that apparel? What do you call that?"

"It's called a push-up bra, Dad," chirped Sydney.

"I don't think your father actually wanted you to answer that question, Sydney."

"Sorry, mom… dad. Nadia, do you remember the day we bought these at the mall?"

Her younger sister nodded and laughed, "Buy two, get one free!"

"Wonderful." Jack poked angrily at the fire with a stick. "What part of 'mission wear' didn't that fool understand?"

Leaning over, Nadia patted her father on the shoulder. "Maybe Vaughn figured that since we do wear outfits like this on missions, just not a dress and combat boots together," she added, wiggling one boot-clad foot in front of her. "I'm sure he did his best."

Jack looked up, but quickly averted his gaze when he was met with the full effect of Vaughn's wayward wardrobe selection.

"I _will_ kill him."

"I see you were successful, Michael." Irina's greeting was neutral, but her clever smile spoke volumes. "Sydney was just telling us about the time you locked yourself out of the house, wearing only a…"

"Here's your snakes," he interrupted, sliding the reptiles down the barrel of the rifle. "You could've mentioned that I'd have to walk several miles to find some." His eyes wandered over to the fire pit around which they were all seated. "Wait! Is that shrimp?"

"Jumbo shrimp!" exclaimed Nadia. "And beer!"

"I've been hunting for stupid rattlesnakes for what, hours? And you had shrimp all along? Was this some kind of a joke?"

Rising to her feet, Sydney brushed off the back of her dress and handed him a long skewer full of the juicy, barbequed seafood. "I saved you one, even though you haven't been very nice."

The young man's face scrunched up in disgust and he threw the firearm to the ground, kicking sand over it with the side of his foot.

"I haven't been very nice? Me?" His eyes widened and flared as he kicked more sand. "Your dad left without me. Your mother, Cruella de Ville over there, tranq'd me on the trip down here. You didn't know that, did you? But _I_ haven't been very nice?"

He stared at Sydney, waiting for a response, but she remained quiet and held the food out to him as if nothing was wrong. Releasing a deep breath, he ran a hand through his scruffy hair and finally returned the teasing smile she offered. It was then that he truly took a good look at her and his grin increased.

"You look amazing, Syd. That dress…"

Nadia giggled. "It's the push-up bra. I'm wearing one too, see?"

Jack reached over and removed the bottle of beer from her tipsy grip. "Yes, let's all thank Agent Vaughn for being an idiot."

"Gracias, el hombre loco!" squealed Nadia.

While Irina helped her younger daughter back to the car, the others doused the fire and prepared for the long drive back to Los Angeles.

"So where did the shrimp come from anyway?" asked Vaughn.

"Let's just say, the local fishermen were impressed with your choice of mission wear for us," laughed Sydney.

"I'm never going to live this down, am I?"

"Not as long as I draw breath, Agent Vaughn." Jack pointed towards the SUV. "Unless you want to walk, we're leaving now."

Over twenty miles passed in complete silence, except for the gentle whir of the blessed air conditioner. The stress of the rescue mission, not to mention the lack of sleep, had taken its toll on everyone.

"Hey!" Nadia's woozy voice broke through the stillness. "This is like a family vacation, isn't it? Just my happy family, traveling along. My mom, my dad, my sister. Having so much fun on the beach."

"No, Nadia," protested Vaughn. "This is _not_ a vacation. There was no fun on the beach. And by family, you mean your mother, the terrorist, who is on the CIA's most-wanted list?"

"Vaughn, stop," said Sydney.

Pointing to the front seat, he added, "Your father, who in the last twenty-four hours broke several federal laws aiding and abetting said terrorist? Wait! Your father? _Jack_ is your…"

The tranquilizer dart made a thud when it hit the ranting man in the chest. His frantic expression quickly faded and a few seconds later, his head dropped back over the seat.

"Sleep well, Mr. Vaughn," cooed Irina.

"Mom, was that really necessary?"

"Every family is entitled to their secrets, Sydney. Isn't that right, Jack?"

"Anything you say, sugar."

**The End**


End file.
